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LA Weekly: “Rihanna Is Like Michael Jackson…On Xanax”

Rihanna RSVP LA Weekly: Rihanna Is Like Michael Jackson...On Xanax

Vocal challenges aside, it’s safe to say that Rihanna‘s arrival in 2005 was one of the best things to happen to Pop music, carving out a career supported by undeniably stellar material.

Unfortunately for, her hit-kissed discography meant all of nothing to ‘LA Weekly’ this week, who have slammed her performance at ‘The Monster Tour’, billing her “Michael Jackson on Xanax.”

Their scathing review below…

LA Weekly:

And Rihanna’s hot too. Too hot, probably, to the point where she thinks she doesn’t have to try very hard. While a cavalcade of dancers behind her sweated their asses off, she could barely be bothered to move, save for some slithering and occasional lazy rubs of her Zubaz crotch, like Michael Jackson on Xanax. 

The pair have some hit songs together, and those came off especially well, particularly the closer “The Monster,” but otherwise it was hard for them to figure out ways to collaborate. Rihanna gets points for singing the Dido part on “Stan” (she was actually singing on that one, and in general you could hear her live voice much more often than his), and pulled out her island patois on T.I.’s “Live Your Life.” But the other mash-ups were weird. Ri’s part on Jay Z’s “Run This Town” segued into Eminem’s verse on Jay’s “Renegade,” which sent the crowd for a loop. (There were no guest appearances of note at the show, which is also a trend for these stadium/arena buddy rap spectaculars of late.) One wondered why she couldn’t do, say, Martika’s part on “Like Toy Soldiers.”

In any case, touring is hard. One gets the sense that Eminem overcorrects for any sense of ennui/fatigue by being extra-excitable and jittery. There was one particularly absurd moment when he was performing karaoke on “Berzerk,” a record about bringing back old-school hip-hop. In one moment his rapping gets very fast on that song, and the crowd was egging him on as he gesticulated wildly. But he wasn’t really rapping, and this wasn’t old school hip-hop at all. This was a giant cash cow tour intended to give as wide an audience as possible as smooth an experience as possible. 

But, as previously noted, he tries so hard it’s difficult to get mad at him. Near the end of the show he did a medley of the lead singles from his first three big albums, “My Name Is,” “The Real Slim Shady,” and “Without Me.” He wanted to please. Rihanna seemed to have no such interest. On “Umbrella,” she seemed bored out of her mind.

 

Ouch.

With a new era on the way, wouldn’t it be great to see Riri silence her naysayers with performances worth praising. For, when she’s on, she’s really on, working the stage with Aaliyah-inspired choreography and a 90s Tomboy look.

Alas, more times than not, she’s off, making it hard for her fans to slam reviews like the above who only say what the majority of her concert goers have been thinking.

Here’s hoping the next chapter of her career comes armed  a refreshed and revitalised Rihanna, who serves up performances akin to the one below!

Your thoughts?

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79 Comments

  • August 11, 2014 at 7:39 am
    Taylor says:
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    Oh my :/

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 7:41 am
    TRUTH SERUM says:
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    Sam, thanks for toning down the shade on this one and making your feedback more constructive. Rib is still a bad Biitch…

    Reply

    sashay Replied:

    There is no need to thank Sam for anything …the shade is in the article he quoted, that did the job for him. If Sam wanted to be fair he would have compare it to reviews they got from rolling stones/billboard. But then again, I’ve come to expect nothing less from this shady ass site.

    Reply

    ~The Arcade~ Replied:

    By the way, it’s actually David who wrote this. *sigh* reading is fundamental.

    Reply

    TRUTH SERUM Replied:

    You fee l intelligent now?? Lmao. I’m sure Sam endorsed the article.

    FAF Replied:

    Y’all are pathetic. Why is it always somehow TGJ fault when Rihanna gets a bad review? Maybe you should focus on tweeting her to rehearse other than #RIHANNAMTVHOTTEST every f****** year whatever that s*** means :lol:

  • August 11, 2014 at 7:42 am
    TRUTH SERUM says:
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    *Rih

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 7:43 am
    MisdamenorFan says:
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    wow….

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 7:49 am
    Krista says:
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    Lmao!

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 7:53 am
    Yazmine says:
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    I cant imagine how this tour would flow. Rihannas corny ass pop songs mashed up with Eminems psycotic ranting must be a headache to bear. Unlike On the Run which has a theme and almost tells a story. Their songs on the set list also compliment eachother and nothing but A+ reviews.

    Reply

    Cupid Replied:

    For them to tour together is pretty weird….. Rih could’ve easily stole the show but she did seem very bored and uninterested. No energy at all.

    Reply

    Sass Replied:

    Rihannna could never steal the spotlight from Eminem. Best belive majority were there for him.

  • August 11, 2014 at 7:54 am
    gilbert says:
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    the monster tour, ha flop. love u rih but the truth hurts and this article was on point :)

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 7:54 am
    Nt says:
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    She’s beautiful, I can’t wait to see them in 4 days.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 7:56 am
    Jose says:
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    There’s negative reviews for On the Run too don’t flatter yourself
    Some is y’all are so pressed over Rih for your faves to be allegedly superior lol

    Reply

    Rihboy Replied:

    There is! One blog i was on said beys show was sluggish and repetitive. They even suggested that they are faking this divorce thing to sell seats. A few venues were 10,000 seats unoccupied. Its funny how he fines the worst receipts for rih but dont be accurate about bey cant sella!

    Reply

    Reality check Replied:

    Um receipts of only 10,000 showing up. Because not ONE stadium pic I saw showed less than 40,000 or m or more…don’t make up things to cover your favs ass. She’s an inconsistent performing with mediocre vocals….the black Britney

    Reality check Replied:

    *Receipts of 10,000 empty seats

    Fran Replied:

    @Rihboy Which BLOG? Thats not a reputable critic source if its claiming that bacause there are pictures of every stadium and they’re all full. Try again.

    Logistics Replied:

    The navy will make up excuse after excuse. You’re really going to use what a blog says opposed to what an actual news outlet/real journalist say? The struggle! Beyonce slayed that ass last year with a solo tour and slayed her again with camel. Blog reviews are void and null, real news outlets praised the crap out of the OTR tour. OTR>Monster in every way imaginable. You find me one bad review for the OTR tour and i’ll show you 5 for the monster tour.

    Fran Replied:

    @Jose. Receipts from a REPUTABLE critic giving bad reviews?

    Reply

    Lolz Replied:

    Where?

    Reply

    fatusankoh Replied:

    Omg you all hating hating bey with partion for her not do well that is the only reasion you all support this no talente rho she know that is why she is not trying thank god you hatemongers are not god beyonce is born with gift their is norting you haters can to take it away from her and bey R T O is the best tour ever

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 7:56 am
    Beyonce says:
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    I really think i should have employed her before her pon the replay as back up singer

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 8:02 am
    XYZ says:
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    to be honest, I don’t get it. As you said, Rihanna can be an amazing Performer if she wanted to. I just don’t know why she is either hit or miss…there is no mediocre with her…

    Reply

    Logistics Replied:

    That doesn’t even make sense!If you’re inconsistent,you are mediocre.

    Reply

    Blue Replied:

    Not really because you have to wonder how much of that laziness is real and how much of is is done on purpose…even her studio singing is done in this very bored, cold tone, it fits the persona and the lyrics of course but is her voice naturally just that chilly?…every review of umbrella noted that the charm of the song was that it borders between trying too hard and being bored out her skull like she was on her 99th take…every album/tour reviews notes it. So if this is part of the act, and its working how is that mediocre?

    FAF Replied:

    ^no she used to try to sing but then ppl dissed her for not having a good voice, so she started trying to be a “Bad b****” and so far its working bc ppl believe thats her natural attitude when we all know she’s insecure, hence being worried about everyone else’s life & being able to spot when someone says any thing about her bc she sits on the internet all day checking mentions

    Mark111 Replied:

    Whats bad is misusing the “mediocre”. Stop watching rap videos and pick up a damn book! Have a nice day.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 8:10 am
    sashay says:
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    This article just confirms that this blog is a f****** joke. Those two artist received positive reviews from legit music sources ie billboard, rolling stones but you forgo those reviews to unearth one from a newspaper that’s not noted for anything related to music just because it cast Rihanna in a negative light.

    This says more about you and the credibility of this blog than it does about Rihanna or Eminem.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 8:22 am
    ~The Arcade~ says:
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    Boy, the “rehearsal” must have been short-lived. :P
    Oh! and David, I don’t feel sorry for the “majority of her concert goers” they chose to take this L! They know she’s terrible. Hate if you, you konw the truth.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 8:29 am
    Beysus says:
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    Wooo!!! On The Run Tour wins!!!!

    *sips tea*

    #HBeyO

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 8:45 am
    yonce says:
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    Enough of the excuses! she can’t be a better performer cus she is too lazy to try & too greedy to stop touring since she obviously can’t stand it. lol Vocals zero dancing Zero stage persence Zero.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 8:48 am
    truth (icki is the QWEEN OF PUSHBACK!! Iggy got her scuured honey. #IckiAFlop) says:
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    Look like satan needs rest

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 8:54 am
    Fran says:
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    The review is just confirming what everyone already know, no point bringing On The Run Tour into this and crying about what they’re saying.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 8:59 am
    Overdose says:
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    Bahaha! I must admit if I had a choice to go to one for free I would choose OTR.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 9:05 am
    ThatMessJuice says:
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    But where was this long essay when BeYawnce was called a NON fashion icon by the other magazine…

    Reply

    HiveHighness Replied:

    Well she isn’t fashion icon… She’s a singer/entertainer
    She does a very good job doing HER JOB

    Reply

    Rosie Replied:

    LOL @ the self-read. Everytime something negative about Rihanna is posted all the Navi can fly in with is “FASHION IC0N!!! WHEN WILL BEYONCE?”
    Bey is doing just fine with her actual job, being an entertainer.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 9:08 am
    ~The Arcade~ says:
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    I believe someone stated on another rihanna post, that in order for her to get focused, she needs to have a wake up call in terms of a ‘good flop’ because she has not experienced that, so she’s a little too comfortable with her laziness. I will say I like SOME of her music, but I just refuse to acknowledge her as an ARTIST. It just doesn’t sit well!

    Reply

    Amanda Replied:

    Bingo! I couldn’t have said it better myself. And, it’s not just her that’s comfortable with their position of being “the hot thing of the minute”. It’s a lot of ‘em out here right now like that! They need a good flip album/concert/whatever to make them HUNGRY enough to take being an entertainer (I used that word being they’ll NEVER be musicians or even artists) seriously. What Rhianna and others need is for somebody to come along and steal their shine then, we’ll see if these ppl are REALLY talented (which I already know that they aren’t ;) ).

    Reply

    Amanda Replied:

    Oops… “I meant Rhianna and others need a GOOD FLOP to make them HUNGRY…”

  • August 11, 2014 at 10:07 am
    Blue says:
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    Ok now for the next rihanna post same how about you post the countless great reviews she is getting for this tour!!. Oh maybe the quote the one bad review of the ‘on the run’ tour out of countless great ones…just to switch things up

    Reply

    Lolz Replied:

    There are no bad reviews for On the Run by any credible source.

    Reply

    Blue Replied:

    Oh honey they are all one persons opinion anyways…and usually the non prestige(spelling) ones are the ones unafraid to speak the truth regardless if it means less traffic for them…and lets not pretend like LA weekly would be the first anything to try to use negative rihanna feedback to attract traffic.

    Lolz Replied:

    Please don’t ‘oh honey’ me. All this comes down to is don’t lie and try and drag OTR into this because your faves Tour is getting dragged. And I said ‘credible’ because they offer educated, informed, unbiased journalism unlike random blogs who have the potential to lie and fabricate. Its like writing a dissertation and basing your evidence off Wikipedia or a random blog you read vs using scholarly sources. Which one will get the better grade? LA Weekly could easily get traffic by writing a bad review on On The Run Tour, but they didn’t. Why is that?

  • August 11, 2014 at 10:19 am
    Lolz says:
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    Oops. Thats weird though, I just came from reading their opinion of On The Run.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 10:44 am
    Brian310 says:
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    Her look was Aaliyah inspired but the dancing looked nothing like Aaliyahs choreography.

    Reply

    Lolz Replied:

    Shade!

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 11:41 am
    FutureCIARA says:
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    Nothing like Credible article shade.

    Reply

    Mark111 Replied:

    Nothing like being engaged AFTER getting pregnant.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 1:01 pm
    Tyler says:
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    She’s definitely on something

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 1:20 pm
    former rihanna stan says:
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    Sam

    I went to the 1st night and I told you she was on drugs. She looked so out of it and numb; like she has to be high just to get through the show. It wa smuch worse than her tour last year. She is going backwards.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 1:21 pm
    former rihanna stan says:
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    SHE IS ON:

    PCP
    MDMA Powder form
    MOLLY
    WEED
    COKE
    CRACK
    Anxiety medication
    sleeping pills

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 1:27 pm
    former rihanna stan says:
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    MOST of the people were sonly there to SEE EM. Rihanna cannot sell out a stadium in USA – SHE does not even sell albums over here. EM did not need her, but I know he is scared to tour and things. He does not like touring. Shame. I said she will burn out like Britney SHE WONT BE ABLE TO ACT LIKE THIS AT 30 and beyond…she has not talent and u NEED THAT when the looks fade and gimmicks run stale.

    Say what u want about the rolling stones and their drugs, but they STILL HAD THE TALENT and that is why they STILL SELL OUT PARKS ( NOT stadiums ) at 60 plus.

    Reply

    SMH Replied:

    Beyonce cant sell out stadiums in the US either, that’s why she had to tour with Jay Z, and some of them still haven’t sold out.

    Reply

    Sass Replied:

    Oh please. Beyonce and Jay Zs stadiums are full to the brim. There are pictures from EVERY night.

    LDN Chick Replied:

    @SMH Unlike Rihanna and Eminem, Beyonce and Jay Z did not give out 40% pf their tickets to competition and radio outlets AND sold their tickets for TRIPLE the price and they STILL had full stadiums. Rihannas Diamonds Tor did not even make it into the Top 20 US Tours at the end of 2013. Beyonce was #2.

    gina Replied:

    Oh shut up. The Rolling Stones are white, the same rules don’t apply.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 1:31 pm
    former rihanna stan says:
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    ALL she done is swearing to the crowd:

    DO some lazy white girl whining and crotch grabbing

    Speak in pataois

    SOME OFF KEY ballad singing

    IT was not a show, I said it last week……WHAT VOODOO did she to to make it so big? She is the worst performer in history. Even Britney knew how to put on energetic dance routines and JLO too. SHE CANNOT SING, SHE CANNOT DANCE SHE WRITE music, she is not even naturally pretty…..THE VODOO is bridgetown must be strong. But, when u sell your soul to make it…….you have pay satan the interest………

    I am just saying.

    Reply

    Fatusankoh Replied:

    you so right about that VOODOO but you things like wount last gods work and talente will go a long way

    Reply

    sashay Replied:

    WTF you doing at a Rihanna concert. Must have been a sight for sore eyes..everyone enjoying themselves and you with your salty ass with a pen & paper critiquing.

    Reply

    former rihanna stan Replied:

    it was the only chancre to see emimen

    Rosie Replied:

    Is this what caused you to jump ship?

    Reply

    former rihanna stan Replied:

    TBH

    I did not think I would stan for long. She has no talent. But, her antics on twitter and such just was the final straw. Also, I only ever bought her albums on discounted price and there are sonly a few good song, the rest are weak nonsense. Is is very easy to outgrow her. I will never outgrow madonna and Sade. NEVER.

    JEMINA NELSON Replied:

    BEYONCE ALSO SOLD HER SOUL FOOL! OLD WITCH. AS FFOR RIHANNA NOT BEING NATURALLY PRETTY, b**** SIT!. ALL THAT WEAVE OF BEYONCE PLUS NOSE JOB AND BOOB JOB AND SKIN LIGHTNING…. RIHANNA STUNS TOGETHER WITH IMAM AND NAOMI CAMPBELL. DELUSIONAL b****!

    Reply

    LDN Chick Replied:

    Death! Where was Beyoncé even mentioned in the comment?

  • August 11, 2014 at 1:33 pm
    Mark111 says:
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    Like Kanye said “who sits at a concert and review it? Why aren’t you having fun? You payed to see me to cratic me?” This isn’t Rihanna’s first tour, so if she don’t rock your boat, then don’t go. Everyone I know who been to her show said it’s one big party.

    Reply

    former rihanna stan Replied:

    It is their jobs. Have u heard of yelp? Reviews are big business.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 3:40 pm
    SMH says:
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    Bad review or not, this is still a sold out tour. And that on the run circus hasn’t exactly been getting rave reviews either.

    Reply

    Sass Replied:

    Lies

    Reply

    XXX Replied:

    On the Run has been getting nothing but rave reviews lol. Try again.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 3:48 pm
    Sass says:
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    Can a Navy please post me these ‘bad reviews’ for On The Run by any respectable critic like LA Weekly you speak of?
    They’re not on the normal internet. Maybe planet Navy fantasy land.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 4:15 pm
    LDN Chick says:
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    Omg lol! When I read the title my eyes almost popped out of my sockets to think someone had the audacity to put Rihfund on the same level as MJ. The I almost spat out my drink when I read past the ellipis. I can only imagine the disappointment felt as a fan bahahaha!

    Reply

    LDN Chick Replied:

    Ellipsis

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 4:43 pm
    Mimi Carey says:
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    DEATH. That bird is trash but people like trash so they will continue to see her. I like her studio music but outside of that she is trash!!

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 6:19 pm
    dydy972 says:
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    It’s a feeling that i have since her last tour and i sense it now with this Monster Tour.
    Rihanna seems to show that because she is on TOP and is Very Famous now, she does not have to kick her ass to dance or sing completely live on stage.
    She looks more and more lazy on stage, does not do lots of high notes and dances when she wants to.
    It’s very deceiving from an artist of her caliber to lower her standards when it comes to performing. If she does not arrive late, she acts weird, or does the minimum. People pay concert tickets to have a great show, to keep a great memory of that day and not to see a star acting like a spoiled girl.

    Reply

  • August 11, 2014 at 9:40 pm
    Amanda says:
    Vote

    I dunno…either Rhianna is getting lazy because she’s on top RIGHT NOW and thinks the “Rhianna Train” is going to continue to run full speed forever so, she doesn’t give a f*** about being a REAL ENTERTAINER or, maybe (just maybe) the girl’s just NATURALLY UNTALENTED and, ppl are just now starting to notice.

    Reply

  • August 12, 2014 at 3:15 am
    QueenBlive says:
    Vote

    Hmmmm… Wouldn’t that be an insult being that Xanax calms you way down?

    Reply

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