Jesy Nelson is speaking up about life after leaving Little Mix.

The performer shocked the music industry and fans alike when she announced her departure from the Pop ensemble after almost ten years last December.

At the time, she cited the reason as being the pressures of being in a girl band and the toll it took on her mental health.

Now, in her first major interview since exiting, the 29-year-old covers Cosmopolitan and doubles down on her stance. She expands in earnest on what led to her break-away from one of the most successful groups of all time.

Nelson also opened up about her solo plans.

Pics and quotes below…

On Her Current State Of Mind

 “It’s the weirdest feeling for me. I feel like I’m going to get upset. I didn’t know that I could be this happy. I thought when I was in the group that it was just normal to feel that way. And because I’d felt like that for 10 years, I just thought, “This is life.” Since I’ve left, I feel free. I don’t wakeup with anxiety, thinking, “I’ve got to do a music video today, I need to starve myself.” Or, “I need to go on an extreme diet so I can look like the other three.” That was consuming me.

I constantly compared myself to the others. Of course, a lot of that was in my head, but a lot of it was past trauma. Even recently, I was still getting compared to them. It’s horrible when you already don’t like something about yourself to then have thousands of people point it out. Now I feel like me. When I look back [at my time] in theband, I genuinely wasn’t me. I can’t believe how miserable I was.”

On What Led To Her Leaving Little Mix:

“The last music video we did [Sweet Melody] was the breaking point. We’d been in lockdown, and [that had been] the first time I could have a break and be at home around people that I love. It was the happiest I’d ever felt, and I didn’t realise that until I went back to work. I immediately became a different person. I had anxiety. Whenever we had a music video, I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to try and lose weight. I have a fear of looking back on the camera. If I don’t like what I see, I find it so hard to be in front of the camera and feel amazing and perform.

I’d been in lockdown, and I’d put on a bit of weight but I didn’t care. And [then] they said, “You’ve got a music video in a couple of weeks,” and I just panicked. I went on this extreme diet, with bloody shakes, and tried to eat as little as possible. On the day of the Sweet Melody video I had a panic attack on set because I didn’t look how I wanted to look and I found it so hard to just be happy and enjoy myself. I looked at the other three and they were having the time of their life.

I get so jealous, because I want to feel like that and enjoy it, because music is my passion. To have this dream and not be enjoying it because of what I look like, I knew wasn’t normal.”

Continued:

“There’s a scene in Sweet Melody I’m not in, because that’s when I had a panic attack and broke down. I was like,”I just want to go home.” I was sobbing in the dressing room. Someone really close to me said, “This has got to stop. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. You’re going to end up where you were before.”

For me, that was the pinnacle point. I was like, “I need to start taking care of myself now, because this isn’t healthy.” It wasn’t nice for the other three to be around someone who didn’t want to be there. So I took a break. I went through a really dark time after the music video. My mum said, “This has got to stop now. I have seen you suffer too much. This has been 10 years of your life.”

For so long, I worried about others and letting people down. The only person I should have been trying to make happy was myself, and I wasn’t doing that. I needed to do it for my mental health, because I know I would have ended up back where I was five years ago, and that’s scary.

On Her Solo Plans:

“Music is my life. It’s so powerful for me. I’m in the studio just having fun. I loved the music I made with Little Mix, but it wasn’t the kind of music I listen to. It just feels so nice to be making music that I love. I don’t know when I’m going to bring it out. I feel really content and happy. It’s the weirdest, best feeling in the world.”

On Those Of Her Pushing On With A Solo Career:

“I feel like there have been a few people who don’t understand why I left Little Mix, but am now in the studio making music. A lot of people said,“I thought you came out of the band to focus on your mental health?” I never said when I put out my statement that I was coming out of the band to never be in the public eye or perform again, or do music. I said  was coming out of the band because I genuinely couldn’t deal with the pressure of being in a girl band.

Your thoughts?

[Photo Credit: Cosmopolitan / Matthew Eades]