LA Weekly: “Rihanna Is Like Michael Jackson…On Xanax”

Published: Monday 11th Aug 2014 by David


Vocal challenges aside, it’s safe to say that Rihanna‘s arrival in 2005 was one of the best things to happen to Pop music, carving out a career supported by undeniably stellar material.

Unfortunately for, her hit-kissed discography meant all of nothing to ‘LA Weekly’ this week, who have slammed her performance at ‘The Monster Tour’, billing her “Michael Jackson on Xanax.”

Their scathing review below…

LA Weekly:

And Rihanna’s hot too. Too hot, probably, to the point where she thinks she doesn’t have to try very hard. While a cavalcade of dancers behind her sweated their asses off, she could barely be bothered to move, save for some slithering and occasional lazy rubs of her Zubaz crotch, like Michael Jackson on Xanax. 

The pair have some hit songs together, and those came off especially well, particularly the closer “The Monster,” but otherwise it was hard for them to figure out ways to collaborate. Rihanna gets points for singing the Dido part on “Stan” (she was actually singing on that one, and in general you could hear her live voice much more often than his), and pulled out her island patois on T.I.’s “Live Your Life.” But the other mash-ups were weird. Ri’s part on Jay Z’s “Run This Town” segued into Eminem’s verse on Jay’s “Renegade,” which sent the crowd for a loop. (There were no guest appearances of note at the show, which is also a trend for these stadium/arena buddy rap spectaculars of late.) One wondered why she couldn’t do, say, Martika’s part on “Like Toy Soldiers.”

In any case, touring is hard. One gets the sense that Eminem overcorrects for any sense of ennui/fatigue by being extra-excitable and jittery. There was one particularly absurd moment when he was performing karaoke on “Berzerk,” a record about bringing back old-school hip-hop. In one moment his rapping gets very fast on that song, and the crowd was egging him on as he gesticulated wildly. But he wasn’t really rapping, and this wasn’t old school hip-hop at all. This was a giant cash cow tour intended to give as wide an audience as possible as smooth an experience as possible. 

But, as previously noted, he tries so hard it’s difficult to get mad at him. Near the end of the show he did a medley of the lead singles from his first three big albums, “My Name Is,” “The Real Slim Shady,” and “Without Me.” He wanted to please. Rihanna seemed to have no such interest. On “Umbrella,” she seemed bored out of her mind.



With a new era on the way, wouldn’t it be great to see Riri silence her naysayers with performances worth praising. For, when she’s on, she’s really on, working the stage with Aaliyah-inspired choreography and a 90s Tomboy look.

Alas, more times than not, she’s off, making it hard for her fans to slam reviews like the above who only say what the majority of her concert goers have been thinking.

Here’s hoping the next chapter of her career comes armed  a refreshed and revitalised Rihanna, who serves up performances akin to the one below!

Your thoughts?

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  1. Taylor August 11, 2014

    Oh my :/

  2. TRUTH SERUM August 11, 2014

    Sam, thanks for toning down the shade on this one and making your feedback more constructive. Rib is still a bad Biitch…

    • sashay August 11, 2014

      There is no need to thank Sam for anything …the shade is in the article he quoted, that did the job for him. If Sam wanted to be fair he would have compare it to reviews they got from rolling stones/billboard. But then again, I’ve come to expect nothing less from this shady ass site.

    • ~The Arcade~ August 11, 2014

      By the way, it’s actually David who wrote this. *sigh* reading is fundamental.

      • TRUTH SERUM August 11, 2014

        You fee l intelligent now?? Lmao. I’m sure Sam endorsed the article.

      • FAF August 11, 2014

        Y’all are pathetic. Why is it always somehow TGJ fault when Rihanna gets a bad review? Maybe you should focus on tweeting her to rehearse other than #RIHANNAMTVHOTTEST every f****** year whatever that s*** means 😆

  3. TRUTH SERUM August 11, 2014


  4. MisdamenorFan August 11, 2014


  5. Krista August 11, 2014


  6. Yazmine August 11, 2014

    I cant imagine how this tour would flow. Rihannas corny ass pop songs mashed up with Eminems psycotic ranting must be a headache to bear. Unlike On the Run which has a theme and almost tells a story. Their songs on the set list also compliment eachother and nothing but A+ reviews.

    • Cupid August 11, 2014

      For them to tour together is pretty weird….. Rih could’ve easily stole the show but she did seem very bored and uninterested. No energy at all.

      • Sass August 11, 2014

        Rihannna could never steal the spotlight from Eminem. Best belive majority were there for him.

  7. gilbert August 11, 2014

    the monster tour, ha flop. love u rih but the truth hurts and this article was on point 🙂

  8. Nt August 11, 2014

    She’s beautiful, I can’t wait to see them in 4 days.

  9. Jose August 11, 2014

    There’s negative reviews for On the Run too don’t flatter yourself
    Some is y’all are so pressed over Rih for your faves to be allegedly superior lol

    • Rihboy August 11, 2014

      There is! One blog i was on said beys show was sluggish and repetitive. They even suggested that they are faking this divorce thing to sell seats. A few venues were 10,000 seats unoccupied. Its funny how he fines the worst receipts for rih but dont be accurate about bey cant sella!

      • Reality check August 11, 2014

        Um receipts of only 10,000 showing up. Because not ONE stadium pic I saw showed less than 40,000 or m or more…don’t make up things to cover your favs ass. She’s an inconsistent performing with mediocre vocals….the black Britney

      • Reality check August 11, 2014

        *Receipts of 10,000 empty seats

      • Fran August 11, 2014

        @Rihboy Which BLOG? Thats not a reputable critic source if its claiming that bacause there are pictures of every stadium and they’re all full. Try again.

      • Logistics August 11, 2014

        The navy will make up excuse after excuse. You’re really going to use what a blog says opposed to what an actual news outlet/real journalist say? The struggle! Beyonce slayed that ass last year with a solo tour and slayed her again with camel. Blog reviews are void and null, real news outlets praised the crap out of the OTR tour. OTR>Monster in every way imaginable. You find me one bad review for the OTR tour and i’ll show you 5 for the monster tour.

    • Fran August 11, 2014

      @Jose. Receipts from a REPUTABLE critic giving bad reviews?

    • Lolz August 11, 2014


    • fatusankoh August 11, 2014

      Omg you all hating hating bey with partion for her not do well that is the only reasion you all support this no talente rho she know that is why she is not trying thank god you hatemongers are not god beyonce is born with gift their is norting you haters can to take it away from her and bey R T O is the best tour ever

  10. Beyonce August 11, 2014

    I really think i should have employed her before her pon the replay as back up singer

  11. XYZ August 11, 2014

    to be honest, I don’t get it. As you said, Rihanna can be an amazing Performer if she wanted to. I just don’t know why she is either hit or miss…there is no mediocre with her…

    • Logistics August 11, 2014

      That doesn’t even make sense!If you’re inconsistent,you are mediocre.

      • Blue August 11, 2014

        Not really because you have to wonder how much of that laziness is real and how much of is is done on purpose…even her studio singing is done in this very bored, cold tone, it fits the persona and the lyrics of course but is her voice naturally just that chilly?…every review of umbrella noted that the charm of the song was that it borders between trying too hard and being bored out her skull like she was on her 99th take…every album/tour reviews notes it. So if this is part of the act, and its working how is that mediocre?

      • FAF August 11, 2014

        ^no she used to try to sing but then ppl dissed her for not having a good voice, so she started trying to be a “Bad b****” and so far its working bc ppl believe thats her natural attitude when we all know she’s insecure, hence being worried about everyone else’s life & being able to spot when someone says any thing about her bc she sits on the internet all day checking mentions

    • Mark111 August 11, 2014

      Whats bad is misusing the “mediocre”. Stop watching rap videos and pick up a damn book! Have a nice day.

  12. sashay August 11, 2014

    This article just confirms that this blog is a f****** joke. Those two artist received positive reviews from legit music sources ie billboard, rolling stones but you forgo those reviews to unearth one from a newspaper that’s not noted for anything related to music just because it cast Rihanna in a negative light.

    This says more about you and the credibility of this blog than it does about Rihanna or Eminem.

  13. ~The Arcade~ August 11, 2014

    Boy, the “rehearsal” must have been short-lived. 😛
    Oh! and David, I don’t feel sorry for the “majority of her concert goers” they chose to take this L! They know she’s terrible. Hate if you, you konw the truth.

  14. Beysus August 11, 2014

    Wooo!!! On The Run Tour wins!!!!

    *sips tea*


  15. yonce August 11, 2014

    Enough of the excuses! she can’t be a better performer cus she is too lazy to try & too greedy to stop touring since she obviously can’t stand it. lol Vocals zero dancing Zero stage persence Zero.

  16. truth (icki is the QWEEN OF PUSHBACK!! Iggy got her scuured honey. #IckiAFlop) August 11, 2014

    Look like satan needs rest

  17. Fran August 11, 2014

    The review is just confirming what everyone already know, no point bringing On The Run Tour into this and crying about what they’re saying.

  18. Overdose August 11, 2014

    Bahaha! I must admit if I had a choice to go to one for free I would choose OTR.

  19. ThatMessJuice August 11, 2014

    But where was this long essay when BeYawnce was called a NON fashion icon by the other magazine…

    • HiveHighness August 11, 2014

      Well she isn’t fashion icon… She’s a singer/entertainer
      She does a very good job doing HER JOB

    • Rosie August 11, 2014

      LOL @ the self-read. Everytime something negative about Rihanna is posted all the Navi can fly in with is “FASHION IC0N!!! WHEN WILL BEYONCE?”
      Bey is doing just fine with her actual job, being an entertainer.

  20. ~The Arcade~ August 11, 2014

    I believe someone stated on another rihanna post, that in order for her to get focused, she needs to have a wake up call in terms of a ‘good flop’ because she has not experienced that, so she’s a little too comfortable with her laziness. I will say I like SOME of her music, but I just refuse to acknowledge her as an ARTIST. It just doesn’t sit well!

    • Amanda August 11, 2014

      Bingo! I couldn’t have said it better myself. And, it’s not just her that’s comfortable with their position of being “the hot thing of the minute”. It’s a lot of ’em out here right now like that! They need a good flip album/concert/whatever to make them HUNGRY enough to take being an entertainer (I used that word being they’ll NEVER be musicians or even artists) seriously. What Rhianna and others need is for somebody to come along and steal their shine then, we’ll see if these ppl are REALLY talented (which I already know that they aren’t 😉 ).

      • Amanda August 11, 2014

        Oops… “I meant Rhianna and others need a GOOD FLOP to make them HUNGRY…”

  21. Blue August 11, 2014

    Ok now for the next rihanna post same how about you post the countless great reviews she is getting for this tour!!. Oh maybe the quote the one bad review of the ‘on the run’ tour out of countless great ones…just to switch things up

    • Lolz August 11, 2014

      There are no bad reviews for On the Run by any credible source.

      • Blue August 11, 2014

        Oh honey they are all one persons opinion anyways…and usually the non prestige(spelling) ones are the ones unafraid to speak the truth regardless if it means less traffic for them…and lets not pretend like LA weekly would be the first anything to try to use negative rihanna feedback to attract traffic.

      • Lolz August 11, 2014

        Please don’t ‘oh honey’ me. All this comes down to is don’t lie and try and drag OTR into this because your faves Tour is getting dragged. And I said ‘credible’ because they offer educated, informed, unbiased journalism unlike random blogs who have the potential to lie and fabricate. Its like writing a dissertation and basing your evidence off Wikipedia or a random blog you read vs using scholarly sources. Which one will get the better grade? LA Weekly could easily get traffic by writing a bad review on On The Run Tour, but they didn’t. Why is that?

  22. Lolz August 11, 2014

    Oops. Thats weird though, I just came from reading their opinion of On The Run.

  23. Brian310 August 11, 2014

    Her look was Aaliyah inspired but the dancing looked nothing like Aaliyahs choreography.

    • Lolz August 11, 2014


  24. FutureCIARA August 11, 2014

    Nothing like Credible article shade.

    • Mark111 August 11, 2014

      Nothing like being engaged AFTER getting pregnant.

  25. Tyler August 11, 2014

    She’s definitely on something

  26. former rihanna stan August 11, 2014


    I went to the 1st night and I told you she was on drugs. She looked so out of it and numb; like she has to be high just to get through the show. It wa smuch worse than her tour last year. She is going backwards.

  27. former rihanna stan August 11, 2014

    SHE IS ON:

    MDMA Powder form
    Anxiety medication
    sleeping pills

  28. former rihanna stan August 11, 2014

    MOST of the people were sonly there to SEE EM. Rihanna cannot sell out a stadium in USA – SHE does not even sell albums over here. EM did not need her, but I know he is scared to tour and things. He does not like touring. Shame. I said she will burn out like Britney SHE WONT BE ABLE TO ACT LIKE THIS AT 30 and beyond…she has not talent and u NEED THAT when the looks fade and gimmicks run stale.

    Say what u want about the rolling stones and their drugs, but they STILL HAD THE TALENT and that is why they STILL SELL OUT PARKS ( NOT stadiums ) at 60 plus.

    • SMH August 11, 2014

      Beyonce cant sell out stadiums in the US either, that’s why she had to tour with Jay Z, and some of them still haven’t sold out.

      • Sass August 11, 2014

        Oh please. Beyonce and Jay Zs stadiums are full to the brim. There are pictures from EVERY night.

      • LDN Chick August 11, 2014

        @SMH Unlike Rihanna and Eminem, Beyonce and Jay Z did not give out 40% pf their tickets to competition and radio outlets AND sold their tickets for TRIPLE the price and they STILL had full stadiums. Rihannas Diamonds Tor did not even make it into the Top 20 US Tours at the end of 2013. Beyonce was #2.

    • gina August 11, 2014

      Oh shut up. The Rolling Stones are white, the same rules don’t apply.

  29. former rihanna stan August 11, 2014

    ALL she done is swearing to the crowd:

    DO some lazy white girl whining and crotch grabbing

    Speak in pataois

    SOME OFF KEY ballad singing

    IT was not a show, I said it last week……WHAT VOODOO did she to to make it so big? She is the worst performer in history. Even Britney knew how to put on energetic dance routines and JLO too. SHE CANNOT SING, SHE CANNOT DANCE SHE WRITE music, she is not even naturally pretty…..THE VODOO is bridgetown must be strong. But, when u sell your soul to make it…….you have pay satan the interest………

    I am just saying.

    • Fatusankoh August 11, 2014

      you so right about that VOODOO but you things like wount last gods work and talente will go a long way

    • sashay August 11, 2014

      WTF you doing at a Rihanna concert. Must have been a sight for sore eyes..everyone enjoying themselves and you with your salty ass with a pen & paper critiquing.

      • former rihanna stan August 11, 2014

        it was the only chancre to see emimen

    • Rosie August 11, 2014

      Is this what caused you to jump ship?

      • former rihanna stan August 11, 2014


        I did not think I would stan for long. She has no talent. But, her antics on twitter and such just was the final straw. Also, I only ever bought her albums on discounted price and there are sonly a few good song, the rest are weak nonsense. Is is very easy to outgrow her. I will never outgrow madonna and Sade. NEVER.

    • JEMINA NELSON August 11, 2014


      • LDN Chick August 11, 2014

        Death! Where was Beyoncé even mentioned in the comment?

  30. Mark111 August 11, 2014

    Like Kanye said “who sits at a concert and review it? Why aren’t you having fun? You payed to see me to cratic me?” This isn’t Rihanna’s first tour, so if she don’t rock your boat, then don’t go. Everyone I know who been to her show said it’s one big party.

    • former rihanna stan August 11, 2014

      It is their jobs. Have u heard of yelp? Reviews are big business.

  31. SMH August 11, 2014

    Bad review or not, this is still a sold out tour. And that on the run circus hasn’t exactly been getting rave reviews either.

    • Sass August 11, 2014


    • XXX August 11, 2014

      On the Run has been getting nothing but rave reviews lol. Try again.

  32. Sass August 11, 2014

    Can a Navy please post me these ‘bad reviews’ for On The Run by any respectable critic like LA Weekly you speak of?
    They’re not on the normal internet. Maybe planet Navy fantasy land.

  33. LDN Chick August 11, 2014

    Omg lol! When I read the title my eyes almost popped out of my sockets to think someone had the audacity to put Rihfund on the same level as MJ. The I almost spat out my drink when I read past the ellipis. I can only imagine the disappointment felt as a fan bahahaha!

    • LDN Chick August 11, 2014


  34. Mimi Carey August 11, 2014

    DEATH. That bird is trash but people like trash so they will continue to see her. I like her studio music but outside of that she is trash!!

  35. dydy972 August 11, 2014

    It’s a feeling that i have since her last tour and i sense it now with this Monster Tour.
    Rihanna seems to show that because she is on TOP and is Very Famous now, she does not have to kick her ass to dance or sing completely live on stage.
    She looks more and more lazy on stage, does not do lots of high notes and dances when she wants to.
    It’s very deceiving from an artist of her caliber to lower her standards when it comes to performing. If she does not arrive late, she acts weird, or does the minimum. People pay concert tickets to have a great show, to keep a great memory of that day and not to see a star acting like a spoiled girl.

  36. Amanda August 11, 2014

    I dunno…either Rhianna is getting lazy because she’s on top RIGHT NOW and thinks the “Rhianna Train” is going to continue to run full speed forever so, she doesn’t give a f*** about being a REAL ENTERTAINER or, maybe (just maybe) the girl’s just NATURALLY UNTALENTED and, ppl are just now starting to notice.

  37. QueenBlive August 12, 2014

    Hmmmm… Wouldn’t that be an insult being that Xanax calms you way down?

  38. Lovely September 28, 2015

    Like riri

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